We're gonna clean some shit up in these parts

Gonna go through a little summer cleaning in the near future.... mostly because allot of changes have happened... and MAINLY because ive ignored the shit out of y'all for a long ass time....


but rest assured im gonna spruce this bitch up... times are changing.......... but my cussing...... has not. Fuck.

Face Down.... Ass Up.... Thats The Way We....... Tie Our SHOES!

Well... I don't know about where you live... but here in California the weather is getting tit bit nippley around these parts.. So you know what that means?????

BOOT SEASON IS HERE AGAIN!!!!!

As with everything.... I wear high heel Boots... I just really don't dig flats in any capacity....

These are My Own Personal Babies. GUESS Platform Boots-Knee High

These aren't the only pair i have... but i have some :::::ahem::::: cleaning to do in my closet? so i have a pair of Really neat "Snub Toed" brown boots and a pair of "Cat Woman" Jessica Simpson Round Toed boots... and i think a few other pairs but who cares?

Lets Talk Boots....


Boots are pretty sweet for like cold weather and shit.... but if you're gonna go ahead and traverse the rain and all that... you might want to do it in some ugly ass rain stompers... i guess... see i wouldn't know because i don't wear them... but i do know that the heels on my boots you see above... slide out from underneath ya... Ive seen it... almost had it happen to me...but I'm such a champ i remember to distribute all of my weight to the front of the heel ... 

Better Detail

 In this picture you can see that the "Toe" part of the boot has a treaded rubber sole on the bottom... but that heel is a killer and i don't recommend going out when its like WET and RAINY in some stiletto Heeled boots... unless you are a champ (like me) You need some "Square Heeled" Boots. Oh fuck it.. let me dig out my brown boots to show you.... Santa......

  First Off i Might as well get this out of the way....... My post about being upset about the disarray in my closet... its not a joke.... check it out

Compare this hot mess

To This OCD Perfection.... SIGH...

............. So now that you've seen this you will see why its annoying for me to look for a shoe... and i only found one ahahahaha..... Anyhow... I found my "Rain Boot"

This is a NINE WEST Boot.

You can See the Heel isn't my Usual "hooker heel"

 My grandpa bought these for me one Christmas because he always thought it was funny that i wore heels and was 6Feet Tall.... Dunno why he thought it was funny... he was 6'4".......

     These Boots have a pretty sweet rubber sole... so slipping is minimal... and the heel covers more surface area so it helps your ass stay in place....

 So if you are going to choose a pair of boots for the "rainy season" you really cant go wrong with a nice pair of boots with a good solid heel... You could always do actual rain boots... but i have yet to find a pair that doesn't put me in mind of a crab fisherman when i see them.... there's just not one redeeming quality about a rain boot children... unless you are.... a child i guess... but then all i think of is RAMONA THE PEST
 ;)

 Anyhow... moving on.... if you're gonna wear your LEATHER BOOTS in any kind of inclement weather you need to WEATHERPROOF Your boots!!! I CANNOT Stress this enough!! Whether you use Scotch guard or some other weatherproofing agent... you need to need to NEED TO do this to your leather boots!! If you don't you run the risk of WATER SPOTS, these strange ass SCALY PATCHES on your boots (Usually where they bend *at the ankles, toes*) They can become discolored and just generally look totally unsweet.... You can find instructions on weatherproofing online HERE

Now i KNOW some of you are like "well I'll by-pass those whole debacle by wearing faux leather... and get around the slipping by wearing flat boots".... fine... do what you have to do.... i don't give a rats big fat fart about your fucking flat ugly ass boots... 'specially if you don't care about my totally awesome super hero-esqe high heeled knee-high boots.... bitch....  and don't even BOTHER giving me the whole PETA schpeal about leathers and furs and whatever the fuck else you have your hard-on for at the moment... because i don't give a dead bunny about that either...

So if you wanna wear some .... uuuhh..... "faux" leather shoes... you know... that's on you.... No seriously... i know some folks who will do these:

Hey honey if you want to look forever 21 (Cheap as fuck) all your life then by all means go head... i haven't worn an ankle boot since i was in like 4th grade... and that's because my grandma didn't understand my hatred of ugly shoes. But She learned.... eventually....  anyhow... these "boots" (its a shame to call them that... their kinda like ugly ass "Granny boots" without the gay ass heel) are usually made out of cheap materials that end up "peeling"/Cracking off of the shoe itself... but if you like that look... by all means honey... go forth....

"Booties" kinda make me gag too... tho even I will admit that #3 is kinda hot...



 allll except one pair that i didnt get to try on because the Macys in San Francisco Didnt have my size...


There's just something about these that i find sexy... even tho its a "bootie"...i just think it would look and feel awesome... tho of course i would love it even more if it was knee high...
 

Or I know some of y'all are gonna wear these:









   In which case not only are you committing the sin of the flat boot... you are also compounding said sin with the sin of the slouch boot.... and you should be shot down....
I guess my obsession with knee High Boots comes from a love of Super Hero women who all had kick ass boots... there's not one super hero that i can think of who didn't have the sexiest outfits all tied together with a hot pair of heels... and YES YES YES i know comic books at the characters therein were all created for MEN... but as a woman who doesn't really like women as people to begin with (not very many close female friends on this end) seeing a strong woman who doesn't deal in drama and isn't the damsel in distress... and isn't a Betty or veronica... was a very powerful message...

 Helloooooo SHE-RA was my fucking INTRODUCTION to some hot ass mutherfucking boots... i remember BEGGING my mom for some just like hers.... she kept saying "when you're older..... maybe" probably hoping id forget.... well mom... i didn't... and the lust just got worse... you shoulda just given in... maybe i wouldn't be the way i am now ;)



And YES i know some of the bitches wear flats... but their ALWAYS made to look like their wearing heels... so fuck you  and the flats you walked in on :)

 I GUESS what it all boils down to is what you feel comfortable in... i mean its you that's gonna be sprawled out on your ass in the end... not me... so by all means wear what you want... just don't wear em around me if you KNOW their something I'm not gonna be too keen on.... and for the love of sweet fat Santa... don't fucking ask me "These are cute, right?" because 9 times out of 10... you wont fucking like my answer.... not that you like my opinions much now.... but you have to admit their informative.... and if their not informative at least their entertaining....


Lets move on... shall we?... now i will admit this is a realm of boot that even *I* in all my power and shoe savvy.... have yet to delve into..... the OVER THE KNEE BOOT.... or even.... the THIGH HIGH BOOT.... i guess i just don't think the PRETTY WOMAN HOOKER BOOT look is all that attractive... tho as with the "ankle boot" there are a few pairs of Over-the-Knee/Thigh High Boots that i wouldn't mind being spanked in bed while wearing (hint hint J)


 Oh yes honeys.... we're FUCKING GOING THERE!!!! Built in Leather GARTERS!!! EAT IIIITTTT!!! And then Sop the rest up with a MUTHERFUCKING BISCUIT BABY!

 If you're gonna go big.... go all the fucking way, Right?


  So what did we learn today??

Its Boot season!
Waterproof/weatherproof your leathers!
Don't buy cheap ass shoes unless you want to buy three times as many pairs as you would for just splurging on the better pair...
Knee High Boots are Sexy
I like to be Spanked
I don't like women that much
Thigh-High Boots may need some looking in to....


Wow... we learned allot today... and most of those things are relevant to the topic ;)





Next Time we're gonna cover BEING THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE and shit... since this is the season where its better to give than receive and to like reflect on your shit or some such shit... I'm gonna go through my shoes... one. pair. at. a. time. and we're gonna document them together.... it'll be fun for me... and hopefully interesting for you... either I'll take video.... or just post some pics....prollllly the pics... because i don't understand video editing and all that jazz...



Say Hi To the New Addition JW!!

 He likes the sweet ass fucking sounds of QUEEN... and it seems THE VIOLENT FEMMES.... He was the contributing editor on this blog... meaning... he laid around farting allot making me have to fan him off... and also meaning that i don't really care if there are typos or anything because i was busy viewing the cute....

JW And Ziggy.. perhaps the longest they've ever sat QUIETLY together....

Clever little witch.........

Yaaayyy its shoe day.... Ok I've decided that "shoe day" will be any fucking day I remember that I enjoy shoes..... Or any day I have something particularly interesting to rant on n on about..... So yaaayyyy its shoe day!

And I'm at the fucking gym on a level 20 elliptical while I type this shit out... Listening to some awesome shit in my ear holes.... Who's a multi-tasking mutherfucker?????

Hey! Over here!

Let's get this shit started:

Are crafty? If you are, consider yourself lucky.... I have a friend who can make old shit look like it was always made to look the way it turns out when she's done.... Like she found this ugly ass end table.... Flipped it upside-down.... Raped it.... Painted it.... And now its an awesome dog bed.... I kinda envy her....... Mainly because I can't do half the shit she does..... My expertise lies in shoe acquisitions, my inability to have one conversation without a cuss word in it, my instant ability to cut you down to size (my rapier wit.... Hahaha "tell her I have a rapists wit"), and my baking skills (I'm like a pirate june cleaver.... Apron and all)

I recently got a new job..... And its working out pretty sweet.... Closer to where I live.... Better co-workers (for the moooooost part -ones an absolute douche) and its paperwork... and allot of checking and details and phones and all that jazz.... Which I enjoy because I can keep pace when shits going fast... But when needed I can calm down stuff pretty well.....

Anyhow.... The new job is like in the "country" and I...... Am not.... I haven't camped anywhere for any reason a day in my fabulous shoe filled life...... And I intend to keep it that way.... Especially since J has filled his "camping" quota for a lifetime thanks to his being a US Marine and all ;) so I don't have to worry about those "fake-cactions"

The POINT of me mentioning the country aspect of my job..... There are wild ass bunnies running around...... And I see em all the time and the only two things I think are;
A: "damn bunny fur is soooo soft and 'fwuffy'"... I remember when my mom bought me a pair of rabbit fur lined black gloves when I was like 4..... I LOVED them... I wore those shits OUT children..... And I've wanted something as soft ever since..... Hence ("yea... HENCE") my love of all things fur and fur related..... Now I'm not talking of the bullshit nasty ass fruity "plushie" obsessed..... I'm talking straight up cruella DeVille infatuation..... Which my grandmother fed by telling me that the silver fox stole was mine when she passed away since I was the one who wore it at every given opportunity and "formal" (thank you Grandma Tommy.... You may have UFC fighting skills.... But I enjoyed ya)
B: (yea I'm still simi on topic) "I wonder how long itd take to catch one...... And kill it......."

Yep.... I want to catch a thumper just so I can...... "Undress" him/her.......... And then when the hide is all proper (see this is where I'd need help..... I dunno how to preserve the hide appropriately without making a hot bloody/matted mess) I want to cut pretty decent strips..... And place them on the back of a hot pair of sling backs!!!!

Tell me you've seen the same fur accented christian loubontin heels I have!!!!!

My my my my MY..... I do love them I do I do I dooooo.....

I just don't want shit so "feathery" like those tho..... So I want like a nice black or white rabbit fur accent to the back..... Or a tasteful "wafer" of rabbit fur on the toe of the shoe.... Like a sweet wafer of fur over the peep of a peep toe.... Thatd be sweet....

But alas...... I am not crafty/martha stewawrtly gifted enough to pull something like that off..... I can sit in silence for 5 minutes visualizing my mother in a kitchen cooking most anything.... And have a pretty decent recipe form in my head to replicate the things she made...... (Tho I have yet dared to create her grandmothers fried chicken (I don't like chicken on the bone.... And I don't like chicken with skin on it..... And I'm not really that sweet at frying shit yet)) but I cannot make THINGS..... Oh I try.... But I don't have an artsy/crafty bone in my body.....and I have even less patience for shit when it like needs time to do anything other than rise (so like "drying" "setting" or in any way having to be made in steps and I'm not gonna get to eat it or feed it to someone afterwards....) Is Pretty much out.... But hey..... If you have a decent set of heels and a hot glue gun and  YOU wanna spruce em up some.... I fucking salute you soldier! And I wish you god's speed!

I think my ultimate lust in life -other than a dream of  being a shoe BUYER for like a neimans, bloomies, nordstroms...... Or even a high end macys.....  Would be to DESIGN shoes.... And have a whole slough of.... Ahem..... "Reasonably priced" labor make them..... Or hell a crap load of fashion design interns..... I mean I understand the basic ABCs..... I just can't sketch what's in my head..... At least not Very well.... But I have the superpowers of being well spoken and quite verbose... (Natch) and I think I could get my point of view across well.... And I'm sure I could learn the actualities of construction and then have an even more hands-on approach to the process..... God that would rock..... I enjoy the changing nature of the fashion industry (including shoes and accessories) but I love that something can also come across as really "classic" and able to be versatile at the same time... It can be worn for years...

I have so many ideas going through my head... Once J comes home I might go back to school once we're pregnant and take a few fashion design courses for research.... Maybe it will give me an introduction to the important "construction" basics I lack...... At any rate it would save J money eventually if I am able to make the shoes I constantly visualize, search for, "kinda" see in the stores... And then hardly wear because they weren't "what I thought they'd be" and they didn't scratch that itch of need......

Being able to make my own shoes would send me to a whole orgasmic level of shoe love! LET'S DO IT!!!!!!

I'll have to do some (lots) of research.... And we may have to buy a house in a more...... Fashion friendly yet industrial..... Area of california (hello San Francisco!!! Mamas coming HOME)

Hmm..... I am going to devote my life (well I'll devote my weekend) to seeing how I can bring this all about..... Damn I may be crafty yet...... By crafty I mean manipulative and the owner of a man who's single goal in life is to make me happy.......... Kidding.....................

















Kinda....................

I'm obsessed with being obsessed

So I'm sitting here looking into the jumbled mess of shoes that is my closet.... And it's really getting on my nerves.... I moved from a house with a decent shoe rack... Maybe not high class hoity toity but it was functional and I liked it pretty well.... And I moved into a shitbox apartment because I thought J was coming home and we'd be able to jump right back into either my grandfathers foreclosed upon home (where I'd been living) or into a new one... And then.. Well you know... Lets not fucking dwell in that pile of woe-is-me ok??

So I didn't get a house.... Yet.... So my poor babies are at the bottom of... I guess you'd call it a closet.... My clothes hang there..... And there's supposedly room at the bottom for... I dunno... I guess people put their shoes there... Anyhow.... My shoes are there... At the bottom of this.... Space... And their all jumbled and commingling and like hanging out... Some on the left side and some on the right... And some fucking like roaming away from each other..... 

"Oh you wanna wear that red ribbon tie strappy sandal??? Too fucking bad!!! HaHA! Here's the left shoe.... Go fuck yourself on the right one"

So I can't find a matching pair to save my soul... Which really irks me... As my shit was always color coded and quite obsessively neat.

.... So I'm looking... And I WANT to do something about this... I do... But I just don't have the room to move my babies where they need to be.... So I obsess about not being able to obsessively display my whares..... I'm obsessing about the fact that I obsess over obsessing.... See the spiral?????

Pretty much my options are: get rid of some shoes (likelihood of that happening: 0.0000000000000000000000000000000001%)

Put shoes back into a box and just wait it out (yea right that would defeat the purpose of LOOKING at or for them)

So I am forced to go in on my hands and knees and root around like a cave woman... Things could be worse i suppose...

And I just bought a new pair.... Ok two new pair... Their still in the box because I don't want to just throw them in... And I don't want those ghetto target or Walmart shoe organizers either... Anyone who has their shoes on a door rack needs to be kicked in the shins and have their shoes taken away... And all of their shoes with laces tied together...

...... I'm gonna just have to suffer and let this mess go until J gets home.... I can't even close the "doors" (sliding monstrosity things) on them..... Because my shoes are spilling out in a desperate bid for freedom..

God help me.......

Sometimes there are things more important than shoes....

I have this amazing friend. His love for his family is boundless and pure.

He always takes time out of his busy stressfull days to send me little "I'm thinkin about you" texts or phone calls (that I still have saved on my phone and liste

n to sometimes when I need some cheering up.) And it never fails that these little tokens of caring and concern come on days when I just want to sink to my knees and cry. Now he lives in Louisiana and I in California. His birthday is the day after mine and I feel that as Gemini's we have a strange bond.... And he just proves its true time and time again.....

 

This is his story

I have hopefully entertained some of you. Some of you I may know personally, I'm asking you to pay it forward now. Any small donation I may be able to garner from this blog will go a long way in helping someone who obviously goes out of his way to help others. This is no joke or scam, he is not asking for donations to line his pockets; but to get things DONE. This is not someone who "just doesn't want to work" or is too lazy/irresponsible to save money on his own. This is my friend who I have seen pick himself up, dust himself off, and move on from one disappointment to another, and then start to scrape together his life again. He moved from Louisiana to California on his own, got work, made a life, befriended a bitchy waitress or two (me and a couple others... But mainly me ;)) and let everyone he met into his heart.

 We can either help him fix a house that is becoming dilapidated, or we can help them get the home they deserve.

Johns closeness with his sister mirrors the closeness I have with my brother. And in these trying and stressful times while I wait for J, I do not know what I would do without my brother. So I know what this would mean to John and his sister.

"Many small people, in many small places, do many small things, that can alter the face of the world.” Anonymous 

Moving forward some.

Put notice into my job today.. Got tired of being taken advantage of and of my hard work either going unnoticed, being unappreciated, or criticized.


I'm over it.... I'm moving back into an administrative assistant position.... Then when J comes home we will have normalcy.... Which is what I crave believe it or not....




..... And the damn gas prices have just got my ass DOWN children !!!  Santa already.

Stay tuned.... Cause you know I bought some cute ass shoes to celebrate ;)

The big score

You know you want them.

 You know you look at them and drool.

You know you're already putting the "perfect" outfit together in your head....

You know you can taste the pleasure of touching them....

You know you have day dreams about how they're gonna sparkle in the sunshine....


......but you also know you cannot afford them...

  Hey I've been there man! Boy fucking howdy have I... Almost every month! And that's where the DESIGNER INSPIRED SHOE (don't wanna call them knock offs I guess cus that shits illegal) comes into play...

 I have a few sites I go to to get my fix... I'm also lucky enough to be friends with a few folks in the high end shoe business who are my "enablers" and give me steep ass fucking discounts..... But since I can't name names on that  y'all are just gonna have to take the gifts I'm about to bestow and do with it what you will... Or get your own shoe pimp....


So before I start just handing out My little treasures... I'm gonna have to go ahead and say a few things (come on kids you know me by now... I love giving info) .... You NEED to be fucking careful... Seriously! In a search for a pair of heels last night... I came up against 2 scam sites... They seem legit... But when it's time to pay... It redirects your ass to some odd ass site that does not seem secure... And when I thought to myself "fuck this noise I'm not that damn desperate for a bargain" and backed out (totally exited the site before I submitted ANY PAYMENT INFO) I thought I was all clear.... Oh helllllll no...

 At 1150something Cali time... I get a fucking phone call... And as we all learned in a past blog.... My honey has been called up back into the Marines So I am paranoid that I'm gonna get a call that either he's hurt somehow... Or that he has to go before I can rape him.... But no... It's some Chinese chick talking in either an über whisper... Or just her little Chinese chick voice and I'm like "what the fuck?????" and she informs me that my order for my shoes has had a problem with the payment.... It didn't go through.... To which I let bai ling know that the problem is... I didn't finish the order because it looked fishy... So there was no problem with the payment because the payment wasn't made... She tries to like somehow convince me that "no no the website is very ok" and I finally get fed up... Tell her it's almost midnight in California so if she called me again I'd ram a knitting needle up her ass.... I don't know who hung up first... It was prolly me... But you know she wasn't too far behind...

...then I got an email from a HOTMAIL address... Just to add to the Jank-assedness that this chick is trying to get me to go along with.... And it's like "girl... Give up..."

So I cannot stress this enough... If it looks "too good to be true"..... It prolly IS!!!!

Well what the fuck how do I get these damn designer inspired shoes you're gushing about????


....patience.... And practice... And common sense... If the site does not offer secure payment (meaning that your shit will not be used for ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT YOU ARE AGREEING TO PURCHASE... Which most sellers offer...) or there isn't a way to get a 100% refund... RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS!!

 To remedy this you COULD use a prepaid gift visa card... but if you get burned you're still gonna be out whatever you were burned for.... so i mean if you got the balls... go for it.... i have the balls... so sometimes i take that leap... and sometimes i belly flop like a motherfucker....

If the site has no "feedback" or "customer comments".... don't bother... in today's day and age fucking everyone is bitching about everything... so you know that if someone else got screwed we'd allll fucking know it right away!

GOOGLE IT!!!!!! Google the damn website... that's how you can find most scams or "iffy" businesses.... sometimes you can find a website that gives you a percentage rating of how trustworthy the website actually is... anything under 52% i don't really bother with...

Just because a site may say "_whatever business___.Org" doesn't mean that its legit.... you kinda just have to go with your gut here... here's a link to some rotten ass fish...  these are the shoes I'm trying to get currently


if you're afraid to make payment on the site.. don't do it... nothing is worth your bank account getting drained...

don't just search online for "christian loubontin knockoffs".... try to figure out the shoes NAME.... trust me this could be a challenge all on its own... but say for my red white and blue peep toes... i googled just that.... and i came up with the fact that they are called "miss America" so then you google like: Christian Loubontin Miss America... and usually you'll get some people blogging about how much they love them... but then you can click around and get to sites that offer them....


be careful what you are willing to pay...because allot of times these shoes come and they are flawed or made differently than you would see a CL or YSL shoe... in which case...duh...they gotta alter them for infringement reasons... trust me... unless it looks like complete ass.... no ones gonna notice...and it'll just be our little secret...

try not to be in too much of a hurry to get your fix... or you could seriously fuck yourself over... just take your time... don't go with the first thing that pops up offering something...

you may find something better for a better price! don't count out DSW people! they don't have CL or YSL or JC but they do have allot of cute shoes that come in!! before you get burned look at legit shoe places for deals on other things!

don't get heart broken if you cant have THOSE... i think I'm gonna have to wait for J** to come on home before i splurge on anything like the "miss America" sling backs...because no where is offering them without trying to rip me off...

don't give out personal info or sign up for anything unless you want to be bugged at all hours of the fucking day or night... like i did with the damn Asian trying to harass my ass at midnight!

remember: these people don't care about you. you're in the jungle baby doll..... and we're all out to get something here...

don't always think eBay holds the key and that you should just "spend the $500 because at least you wont get ripped off"....I'm telling you... if i can find deeply discounted footwear....what makes you think the seller cant? If you can hardly tell the difference between the real thing and the discounted.... then unless you bought them from neiman marcus or bloomingdales your own personal self...you're gonna have to be very cautious.


finding shoes is fun and exciting and when you score big you feel good! but you cant expect to not take a few lumps when you're just learning things... the only way you can protect yourself is to not play fast and loose with shit...


i hope this helps a little... because the deeply discounted shoe is your friend... its just the fist full of assholes trying to sell said shoe to you that is not your friend!